For any of you who may go through discouragement, it is completely normal to feel inadequate every now and then, but it is not okay to convince yourself that you don’t measure up to somebody else’s standard or that you are not loved, or being rejected.
It is not okay to seek approval from others.
I battled with this and I was not even aware of it! I wanted people to agree with me with my dreams, my opinions and even my decisions. I was not aware of this until a sister in Christ held my hand, under the spirit of God, and said to me “God already validated you”. At the time, 2014, I was not exactly sure why she said that, but as I continued on with life I began to understand through the events and challenges that presented themselves in my life- that I did want support and companionship; all my life I have mistakenly sought approval from others.
I began to address this issue in my life, and it was when I realized how much suffering was caused by that paradigm, that stronghold of Satan.
I knew the call God made on my life, and I had a clear picture of where I was going but I did not feel supported by my comrades. I felt underappreciated, and overlooked and this affected my walk greatly. The enemy took advantage of my desire for companionship, in having me misinterpret the intentions and reactions of others towards me.
For a long time, although I was completely oblivious to the fact- I was a victim of the devil’s schemes. I felt as if it was me against the world, and I refused to work with the people who made me feel rejected. It all sounds very silly to me now, because I paused my own come up- but interestingly enough, I learned a huge lesson about the enemy, renewing my mind and my interpersonal relationships.
Once I accepted this truth about myself, I began to fight for my name change. Like Jacob wrestled with the angel, and received a name change, a change in the course of his history into a new destiny. You see before he was Jacob, then God named him Israel. And He blessed Israel. Jacob was for himself, but Israel became a nation.
As I began my journey of completely changing my mind (where I am still in process) I learned that there are many strongholds which come from one root. I learned that anxiety, came from fear of uncertainty and uncertainty from lack of trust.
I learned that anger came from bitterness, and bitterness came from offence. I learned that depression came from unfulfilled purpose, and unfulfilled purpose came from my need of approval and support from others.
I had some serious work to do!!!! I began to accept myself, and if there were things I was not sure about I made sure to address them and not let them linger for a tomorrow.
- I had to make decisions.
- I began to take responsibility for myself, and stopped looking for someone to blame.
- I disconnected from negative people.
- I began to re-evaluate whether I was the same person from 5 years ago, and noted the changes.
- I learned to appreciate and celebrate myself.
- I began making plans and executed them.
Right now I am going through what I call the second phase which is to become established.
But the God of all grace, who has called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that you have suffered a while, will restore, establish, strengthen and settle you.
1 Peter 5:10
Meaning: exercising a lot of self control and self discipline.
- things like controlling my language
- controlling my temper
- be assertive to my needs
- accept my choices as correct
- accept and continue to embrace alone-ness as I accomplish my dreams and aspirations
Father God, I thank you for this time even though it has been extremely painful, disheartening and exhausting; I thank you because you created an over-comer of me. Your love, mercy and comfort has raised me up in ways I could have never done for myself. I thank you for your revelation, your patience and I come to stand in the gap for my self and my loved ones. May we all fight for our happiness, and our freedom. May we see better tomorrows and may we be constantly renewed in the spirits of our minds. I pray for healing and liberation for all of us, and I pray for your work to cause quantum leaps in our lives, both terrestrial and spiritual. In Jesus name, I pray, AMEN!