But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. 1 Corinthians 7:33-35
God was Adam in the garden of Eden yet He said “It is not good for man to be alone.”
But wasn’t God with Adam? He was with Adam, but God didn’t consider Himself a suitable help for man, so He created Eve. It is okay to desire companionship and even sexual relations, but it is not okay to feel desperate! We may think our emotions and desires are solid, but they are not they change- God doesn’t change. God is sovereign and He knows our inner selves, He is a provider and He knows when to provide the helpmeet. God meets our needs in His time.
God is a father, therefore he measures our caliber before placing anything in our lives and in our hands.
For example TD Jakes once shared that When his son was young before puberty, would mimic him in the bathroom shaving his beard.jakes says even though He knew that one day he would need to shave, and the time would come that his beard would grow, he would have to wait until then- because if he gave him the razor as a child he would not do him good. The young boy would cut his face up and question his fathers intentions forevermore.
God is a father, and he searches our hearts and searches our intentions, and he tests our faith and our will. As a single female for over 6 years, I have recognized that God has dealt with be bountifully. Although I have suffered and battled with desires, frustrations and desperation God has given me the opportunity to get my act together before he brings me a companion.
I’m grateful for all the things God has shown me about myself that I have worked to get in order. He has shown me my broken places, and my dirty places, he has shown me the valleys of my life and the strongholds which shape my thought life. I would rather God help me out with all these issues, than to enter a covenant relationship and be cancer to my partners bones. Nobody wants to live with a bickering, negative, depressing, bipolar wife.
Many women fail to realize that men are not dogs because they want to cheat and want to divide their homes, many times our partners attitudes and demeanor push them to do so. Relationships are hard work: family, friends and intimate relationships take a lot of commit and a lot of patience.
We fail to realize while being single, that our value and our worth does not come from the physical things. Yes, like Adam we need a suitable physical being to aid us along the way- but we must make sure that we are prepared. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially. We must have our own life, and our own relationship with ourselves. If we don’t and revilve our lives around someone else, that someone else may die- may become sick- may leave- may betray us, and then what?
If we learn to treat ourselves with love and affection, admiration, then our partners will learn to treat us the way we treat ourselves. If our partners sense that we have low standards, they will treat us accordingly.
If your partner sees that you eat well, work out and maintain yourself: he will know that you expect him to treat you well. If he sees that you do your hair, pedicure and manicure on the weekends- he will catch on and provide those needs for you.
When a man comes up to us and we just accept him to treat or talk to us in any kind of way, we lower our value. Some men think that because they spend money they deserve something in return, or because we have voluptuous bodies or glow in natural female appeal, they can feel on our bodies and that is not true, neither should it be acceptable.
I’m grateful that my standards of loving me first are up there. I’m grateful to have gotten to know God and myself better, my relationships with my family and friends have also prospered and my ambitions in life have too. I am convinced that none of this would be possible if I had a man taking up my time and attention. And this is exactly what Paul was trying to tell the Corinthian Church.
And some people have never been single long enough to be alone with themselves and confront themselves. Sometimes we run from ourselves,and other times we want to depend on someone else. Jesus wants us to depend on him!
Yes, being single is a painful process! Yes, sometimes it takes really long! Yes, we get desperate! Yes, we feel forgotten!
But let’s have faith to believe again, let’s believe that God does love us and He has just been preparing the way for the encounter. Let’s appreciate that God is settling us. This is a promise God gave me over 2 years ago and I will share it with you:
But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. 1 Peter 5:10
Father God, thank you for your mercy and thank you for giving the strength and the desire to wait. Many times we forget that this is all for our good, and sometimes we rather have physical contact than to have your presence. Forgive us for this God, I stand in the gap for all the single people and the single Christians especially. May we not trade in our authenticity for some lentil soup, for a right now moment- may we be strengthened by your love and be courageous to walk away from anything and anyone that does not bring glory to your name. May we keep our salvation as priority, and may you fight against the enemy when we face hard times. In Jesus name, Amen.