Devotional 4/19

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I never suffer as bad, as I suffer when I learn of a suicide.

It really hits home to know that some people leave without it being an act of God’s sovereignty. It really destroys me inside, I think because I have wanted to die for as long as I remember but I am still here.

When I was working for ASA College, I had a co-worker who committed suicide at 24. And when I was 28 I had a classmate, who I had ministered to and shared memories with, kill herself a year later, at 22. I have had various other encounters with suicide, old, young, christian, non-christian, gay, straight, colored, non-colored, friend, coworker, acquaintance- it seems to follow me but I understand now that God is calling me in this area. By God’s grace and mercy been able to minister to those with suicidal thoughts, and comfort families with the word of God and simply my prayers or presence.

It is really devastating being a Christian, and having received God’s love which brings immense joy into our lives and still lose souls to suicide. No other pain compares to it. I hate homicides, rapes, racism and suicides. They hold a very tender place in my heart.

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 It just so happens, I have battled with suicidal thoughts most of my life- and still the thoughts come to my mind often. The issue with with suicide and depression is that it becomes a stronghold in our minds and is constantly fed by what we entertain.
If we remain in a mind state that does not change, it is because we do not change it ourselves.

I can understand when people say:

  • “your life is up to you”
  • “life is what you make it”
  • “some people want to make it, some people make it happen”

They say these things, because they are true and has been proven successful to different people. We need to be considerate, there are always two sides to every story, and then there is the truth. We battle when we counterattack the thoughts that arise in our minds, but these battles can be rather exhausting. The attacks coming at us are constant and if we are inconsistent we may lose the battle, the battle is only completely lost if we commit suicide or give in to the oppressor/aggressor. It can wear us out, as we fight to be and maintain a positive outlook and thought pattern, and even as we discipline ourselves to think of scriptures to counterattack and defend ourselves.

Make note: These thoughts are not our own, they come from the air, which are assignments sent from the satanic camp. 

 But the main trouble is that it is discipline, constantly doing something, to change our perception. Suicidal victims, have a hard time changing because changing take consistent effort. I call them victims because fighting from such a low state of depression, they become prey to Satan’s roaring.

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Satan, as the bible calls him, is a roaring lion. He is on a constant move looking for those who are unguarded to attack and destroy them. Most of us, have experienced issues in life, from childhood and youth which may prolong or pose as consequences in adult life. Everyone who commits suicide or contemplates suicide, have problems which have prolonged for a while. Some situations like rape, abandonment or long term fatal illnesses may be an exception because these are sometimes shocking traumatic realities that some people decide are too great to overcome. But some people have made irrational decisions in the heat of the moments, failing to look beyond the circumstance. Other circumstances seem to linger for years and years, and these persons do not seem to get it out of their soul because they never pinpoint the core of the matter. Things like family or social issues stemming from childhood:

  • abandonment
  • rejection
  • sexual abuse
  • drug/substance abuse
  • verbal and physical abuse
  • social status/acceptance
  • war trauma
  • bullying
  • poor diet/bad sleeping habits (eating disorders/insomnia affect mental processes)
  • insignificance
  • loneliness/isolation
  • chronic pain
  • terminal illness 
  • financial crisis

And I supposed so many more that I cannot think of.

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When people opt out for suicide, they make a permanent decision for themselves. They do not give themselves the chance to change, or God and the universe to intervene. It is really sad because more than half of the people who commit suicide have no idea that there is hope.

Our parents play such an important and big role in our mental and emotional development, that if these issues go unresolved they affect us even as adults. Nobody expects such a tragedy. Not for a second, does anyone imagine someone would give up on life in a moment. Many people who go through these lows do not seek help, neither do they express their frustrations with others and if they do… guess what? They are usually not taken seriously, or deemed for being exaggerated. That could be the most discouraging thing a person needing help can hear. The next worst thing is the question “why?”.

I know because I keep it to myself when I’m going through it myself, I have seriously considered jumping in front of the train or popping a bunch of pills to get rid of it all. I do eventually talk myself out of it, believing that some day will be my day. Some day things will turn around. One thing I am grateful for is knowing God. Because me with God on my worst day, if a million times better than me without God on my best day.

It makes me so sad, because Aaron Hernandez although he had temper issues, and killed people and was ‘convicted’ to doing life in prison… he had no idea, if he could have written a book from prison. If the courts would appeal the case, now that a few days prior may have been able to do parole, or a shorter sentence. He had no idea if he would have become a coach in the prison for those prisoners inside the ward. he simply had no idea. maybe his daughter dreamed of the days she would go see her dad in prison. It’s really sad. Those with terminal diseases, or chronic pains, or incessant turmoil in their souls, or those who have sexually violated- they- we have hope still. We are alive because there is something for us to accomplish, we are alive because God can and will work something out for our advantage.

I would like to encourage you: every day you are given life is a new chance, a new chance to see what awesome miracle God can do for you. 

God bless and keep you, in Jesus name, Amen.

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